Saturday, March 28, 2009

God saved her.

Thank you, Anchoress, for beating the drums for life. I am in awe of people like Faith's mom and Eliot's parents. There is already such tremendous social pressure to abort the "less than perfect." Everyone owes these parents their deepest gratitude for sheltering and loving their beautiful children. It smooths the way for the rest of us when we have to make the difficult choices.

I wish I could say that I always trust God that way, but too often I don't. Everything I know today I learned the hard way - including life.

Abortion is ever-present in my life. So many women lawyers I know waited too long to have children, only to resort to Clomid, IVF, and other fertility means. If they get lucky and it takes, "selective reduction" is the next step in the fertility process. Whatever you call it - abortion, reduction, procedure - it seems sterile and clean, modern and responsible. It's the only thing you really can control when it comes to childbearing, which every woman finds out is more of a medical wilderness than you can imagine. Abortion seemed like the only easy answer for a universe of hard problems. Of course I was pro-choice. Everyone I respected was. And if it conflicted with my church, well, then maybe the church was wrong. Besides, how could I believe in a faith that would force me to behave so "irresponsibly." How could I believe in a faith that would force so much gratuitous pain? Pro-life seemed like being pro-cruelty in some circumstances.

Then I got pregnant.

And you know what, it was kind of gruesome. The sicker I got, the more weight I lost, the more I became convinced that no one, no one had the right to dictate that I or any other woman to go through this. I lost 12% of my body weight in two months. Swallowing anything, even water or my own saliva, made me vomit. When I finally got insurance approval for a $100 per pill anti-vomiting drug, it held the sickness at bay so long as I didn't try to move. I was dizzy and sick even in my sleep, when I could sleep. But even as I blamed my body for being so tremendously bad at being pregnant, I grew to love the tiny baby inside.

But love without grace wasn't enough to stop me from trying to kill it. At 18 weeks and some change, we didn't know the gender, so when the hemorrhage started, the baby was still an "it." And when the doctor said he had some bad news, I was the one who asked for the "procedure."
The emergency room doctor gave us some privacy while he left to go schedule the D&C. I didn't want to face delivering the remains of my dead child at home. They'll just take it out, he said. A friend in the same position only took one day off work when her first fetus was determined to be "growing too slow" and removed. It was New Years Day. I wouldn't even need to take vacation.

My ob-gyn came in a few hours later to do the pre-op. Yet another pelvic exam left me so sore I could hardly move. Hospital policy required a Foley catheter for an ultrasound that hurt every second it was in. Insult to injury - the ultrasound showed that my body was having severe contractions. I don't know what it showed the baby's body as doing. All they told me was "dead."

"Schedule the procedure," I demanded. I know my rights.

I was angry when my doctor told me it was better not to do any medical intervention if at all possible. What were we supposed to tell our families? "Oh hey, my dead baby is going to fall out of me any minute. And Happy Holidays, by the way." Ever tactful, we told them exactly that.

And then we waited.

How many days are you supposed to wait for your dead baby to fall out of you?

We waited 22 more weeks.

There is such relief in not having to be God.

She is so beautiful it will make your heart stop.

I nearly killed her.
I wrote that a few months ago. She's even more beautiful today.

By rights, I should never get up from my knees in thanksgiving to the Lord for saving me, and her, from my outrageous and ungrateful stupidity. It was such a close thing. The thought of what could have happened causes me physical pain.

God intervened, but it should not have been that close. Who am I to reject the gift of life, just because it's going to be scary and messy and potentially painful? Who am I to reject the gift of faith? What stupidity to reject the only bulwark and protector of all children - born or unborn - against the scared or selfish or misguided acts of their own parents. God gave me everything I needed to know to save my children, and I disregarded the information. By rights, I deserved no child. But God is merciful.

It's a hard thing to hold on to what is right in this world, but the parents of Baby Faith and Baby Eliot have done it. I am certain that their loving example will give comfort to those who struggle against the modern world to see that there is another way.

40 comments:

CindieMcelvain said...

正妹按摩貼圖正妹援正妹放大片正妹文迪正妹文學正妹影片下載正妹影片免費試看正妹影片正妹圖片下載正妹圖庫正妹地圖正妹型男正妹型男正妹型男pk正妹報報正妹報時正妹大奶正妹大學正妹天空正妹天堂正妹天天看正妹寫真網正妹寫真館正妹強力正妹日報18禁正妹日報成人版免費正妹桌布武俠成人武俠成人小說毆美母子相姦母子做愛文學母子內射母子小說母子性愛影片每美情色網每週性愛每腿每女性愛每少女自拍

微笑每一天 said...

thanks................................................

佩璇 said...

I love readding, and thanks for your artical...................................................

明秋明秋 said...

Better say nothing than nothing to the purpose. ........................................

家瑩 said...

thanks................................................

雅琳雅琳 said...

I do like ur article~!!!...................................................

NicolaSigel0508 said...

驚悚故事分享,晚上別看哦
食人
計程車司機偶遇
恐怖電影生存指南

MichellSommerville0202 said...

驚悚故事分享,晚上別看哦
食人
計程車司機偶遇
恐怖電影生存指南

香君 said...

路過看看哦,請加油 .........................................

SungR_Auclair0佳亦 said...

85cc片觀看,77美女dvd影片,熊貓貼區,ut網際聊天,一葉情,av,嘟嘟,影音live秀,a片,做愛影片,視訊做愛,美女短片,78論壇,ut聊天,打飛機,a片,免費視訊,免費視訊,成人影院,性愛小說,辣妹視訊,網路交友,捷克論壇,h影片,色咪咪,免費影片85cc,kiss911,後宮,a片,影音視訊聊天,交友,免費聊天,聊天室交友,做愛影片,線上a片,美女影片,免費影片下載,免費聊天室,視訊做愛,美女視訊聊天

誠侑 said...

「不可能」這個字詞,在聰明人的字典中是找不到的。........................................

郁財郁財 said...

Beauty, unaccompanied by virtue, is as a flower without perfume..............................................

DianneG_Conatser家銘 said...

當一個人內心能容納兩樣相互衝突的東西,這個人便開始變得有價值了。.........................

祐誠 said...

向著星球長驅直進的人,反比踟躕在峽路上的人,更容易達到目的。..................................................

柏懿綺辰 said...

目標是什麼不重要,目標能產生什麼樣的效果才重要..................................................

宛美黃惠妹 said...

Well done!............................................................

josema said...

感覺很好的blog,祝你開心喔........................................

均琇均琇 said...

愛情是一種發明,需要不斷改良。只是,這種發明和其他發明不一樣,它沒有專利權,隨時會被人搶走。..................................................................

姵潔 said...

要持續更新下去喲!!祝你心情愉快.............................................................

木堯木堯 said...

Quality is better than quantity.....................................................................

玄雨 said...

生存乃是不斷地在內心與靈魂交戰;寫作是坐著審判自己。....................................................................

義珊義珊 said...

成熟,就是有能力適應生活中的模糊。.................................................................

志源志源 said...

一時的錯誤不算什麼,錯而不改才是一生中永遠且最大的錯誤.......................................................

羅承霞 said...

如果你批評他人。你就沒有時間付出愛............................................................

溫緯李娟王季 said...

人生之中,比冒險更危險的一件事:不去冒險。..................................................

王伯亞王伯亞 said...

命運,就是自己行為的結果。..................................................

楊儀卉 said...

Seeing is believing.百聞不如一見............................................................

林柏毅林柏毅 said...

教育的目的,不在應該思考什麼,而是教吾人怎樣思考............................................................

楊儀卉 said...

好的部落格就要和好朋友分享--感謝分享............................................................

曾法幸 said...

臨淵羨魚,不如退而結網。............................................................

RicoLisi0802志竹 said...

你快d upday個blog啦~............................................................

陳柏毅 said...

快樂,是享受工作過程的結果..................................................

秀吉秀吉 said...

道歉是人類一定必要的禮節..................................................

亦奈美妮 said...

所有的資產,在不被諒解時,都成了負債..................................................................

偉曹琬 said...

人們不缺少力量,他們缺少意志。..................................................

麗王王珠 said...

多謝美味的心靈雞湯......................................................

胡曹哲維佳玲 said...

多謝美味的心靈雞湯................................................................

孫邦柔 said...

愛情不是慈善事業,不能隨便施捨。......................................................................

阿袁袁袁袁華 said...

路過留言支持~~~..................................................

冠州 said...

請繼續發表好文!加油加油再加油!............................................................